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Weird and unusual stories from the Internet!
To send us something strange, e-mail us at
Weird@nytrash.com
- AMUSING AND IRRELEVANT FACTS
- 1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people
who get married for the first time are teenagers.
2. Kotex was first manufacturer of bandages, during W.W.I.
3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought
he might be retarded.
4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still
sitting on it.
6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any
other weather.
7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have
recently eaten bananas.
9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.
13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians
in 2000 B.C.
14. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
15. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.
16. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
17. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones
- Bhutan.
18. Every person has a unique tongue print.
19. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
20. Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
21. Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures
of the pets in their wallets.
22. Bubble gum contains rubber.
23. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
24. Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
25. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in
Jello.
26. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks.
27. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
28. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
29. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over
his head.
30. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
31. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South
Bend, Indiana.
32. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
33. Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
34. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
35. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the
Western Pacific.
36. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
37. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
38. Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.
39. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
40. The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard
Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
41. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
42. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
43. 27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless
existential hell."
44. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when
patients would die.
THE SOAP OPERA
Submitted by Anderson@mbinter.com
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was
mentioned.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of
soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.
Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under
the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.
They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,
Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the
shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I
took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in
case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I
left today which my instructions from the management is to leave
3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not
tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of
soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I
am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought
my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which
are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing
teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel
soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6
soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the
soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine
cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine
cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of
further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this
A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy
with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room.
I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give
it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and
5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave
the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30
or 6:00 PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.
You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he
could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid
you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today,
since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering
soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of
further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and
5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was
taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in
late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your
soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your
room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each
time they service a room. The situation will be rectified
immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came
in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54
little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do
you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath
size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had
them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all
your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24
Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to
receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3
daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel
issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory
which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest
soap inventory. As of today I possess...
On shelf under medicine cabinet ...
18 Camay, (4 stacks of 4) and (1 stack of 2)
On Kleenex dispenser ...
11 Camay, (2 stacks of 4) and (1 stack of 3).
On bedroom dresser ...
3 Cashmere Bouquet, (1 stack of 3)
4 Hotel-size Ivory, (1 stack of 4)
8 Camay, (2 stacks of 4)
Inside medicine cabinet ...
14 Camay, (3 stacks of 4) and (1 stack of 2)
In shower soap dish ...
6 Camay, (very moist)
On northeast corner of tub ...
1 Cashmere Bouquet, (slightly used)
On northwest corner of tub ...
6 Camays, (2 stacks of 3)
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure
the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her
that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest
that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have
purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in
the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
The Cartoon Laws of Physics
Submitted by dougwil@aimnet.aimnet.com
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain
in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting
further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until
he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet
per second squared takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain
in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot
pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that
only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the
stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter
will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage,
this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions
and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly
through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The
threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall
twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whomever
knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture
it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, and the attempt to
capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated
by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most
bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface.
A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward,
usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.
The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto
need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in
several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw
fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud
of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common
as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character
has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet
off walls to achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid
walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has
baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance
on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into
this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when
he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of
art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter
is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths
than the traditional nine lives they might comfortably afford. They can
be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled,
but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity,
they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will
assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal
and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon
motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason,
we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character
upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks)
with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting
straight up, with great velocity.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified
for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool"
can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs
at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express
himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal
injuries -- they merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving
waves of large wavelengths.
Their operation can be witnessed by observing
the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet
will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches
its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As
the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume
its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in
"C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold).
The process is analogous to steady-state
theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in
maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing.
Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable. Such quanta
are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool"
characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law),
who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces
where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding.
A big bang indeed.
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©1998. New York Trash. All rights reserved. |
